Of Late Nights

I. can. not. sleep.

I can't stop thinking about all the stuff I have to do

And I have such random thoughts too
Like I was thinking about all the really nice feedback I've been getting lately
One person said that I was the perfect leader, another, that I'm pretty, another, that I'm funny, and yet another, that I'm incredible talented

And even though I love feeling good about myself, I can't help but think that the most-liked people are also the most depressed

I'll tell you why

Once you get used to it, you'll start feeding off these compliments, judging yourself based on what people say and think of you.
And in the crowd of mostly good, there is always that one complaint that'll send you from sky high to subzero low

From there, you go either one of two directions

Extreme self-confidence ('oh, you're just jealous') which really just makes you an a-hole
or
Loss of Individuality, which is basically when you start changing yourself to be accepted and instead of being happier, you're miserable

Of course their are the many sub-sections, like the goth or punk, those who have that self-confidence, but to an obnoxious extent

Personally, I think everyone cares a little about what people think of them, so that self-confidence comes off as a little fake to me
I suppose the telltale sign would be that incredibly eager look, when their eyes are wide open and their face, tense, especially after they've just made a snarky comment or 'funny' joke, which they think they thought of on their own, but really sprang from the group's demeanor.

I think there are only a lucky few that are truly truly comfortable in their own skin, and even they have their moments.

I guess the trick is to find that happy medium, because I don't think anyone can really fully not care about what people think, there is always someone whose opinion will matter, a parent, friend, spouse, w/e

So where is this medium? The answer is a matter of trust, I think. If you rely on someone who truly loves you and respects you and that you love and respect, that person is whose opinion should matter. It's an obvious answer, I know, but sometimes the obvious isn't so obvious, until someone says it of course.

Yea, so that's what I was thinking about tonight
It's mostly obvious stuff like this, actually.

Dude, you know what I just realized?
I've always noticed that in the morning and really late at night, the light in my room is extremely bright, like blinding
And I thought it was because my lamp just likes to play bitch
but I think the real reason is because my eyes are so adjusted to the dark, that it just seems bright, or the lamp just loses some power after the first couple minutes, but I think it's the first one

lol

Okay! Stuff to do tomorrow
1. Call all the editors and ask them for updates (give them until friday to gather info)
2. Journalism: Write Outlandish review (Summer work and MYN, all in one go)
3. Journalism: Write Feature on Ramadan (Summer work/MYN)
4. Oped Analysis
5. Article Ideas (4 per section)

3-4 hours

6. Update Article List/Contact List
7. Email (surprisingly, this takes near an hour)

So I'm thinking 6-7 hours total

oh joy.