Of Late Nights

I. can. not. sleep.

I can't stop thinking about all the stuff I have to do

And I have such random thoughts too
Like I was thinking about all the really nice feedback I've been getting lately
One person said that I was the perfect leader, another, that I'm pretty, another, that I'm funny, and yet another, that I'm incredible talented

And even though I love feeling good about myself, I can't help but think that the most-liked people are also the most depressed

I'll tell you why

Once you get used to it, you'll start feeding off these compliments, judging yourself based on what people say and think of you.
And in the crowd of mostly good, there is always that one complaint that'll send you from sky high to subzero low

From there, you go either one of two directions

Extreme self-confidence ('oh, you're just jealous') which really just makes you an a-hole
or
Loss of Individuality, which is basically when you start changing yourself to be accepted and instead of being happier, you're miserable

Of course their are the many sub-sections, like the goth or punk, those who have that self-confidence, but to an obnoxious extent

Personally, I think everyone cares a little about what people think of them, so that self-confidence comes off as a little fake to me
I suppose the telltale sign would be that incredibly eager look, when their eyes are wide open and their face, tense, especially after they've just made a snarky comment or 'funny' joke, which they think they thought of on their own, but really sprang from the group's demeanor.

I think there are only a lucky few that are truly truly comfortable in their own skin, and even they have their moments.

I guess the trick is to find that happy medium, because I don't think anyone can really fully not care about what people think, there is always someone whose opinion will matter, a parent, friend, spouse, w/e

So where is this medium? The answer is a matter of trust, I think. If you rely on someone who truly loves you and respects you and that you love and respect, that person is whose opinion should matter. It's an obvious answer, I know, but sometimes the obvious isn't so obvious, until someone says it of course.

Yea, so that's what I was thinking about tonight
It's mostly obvious stuff like this, actually.

Dude, you know what I just realized?
I've always noticed that in the morning and really late at night, the light in my room is extremely bright, like blinding
And I thought it was because my lamp just likes to play bitch
but I think the real reason is because my eyes are so adjusted to the dark, that it just seems bright, or the lamp just loses some power after the first couple minutes, but I think it's the first one

lol

Okay! Stuff to do tomorrow
1. Call all the editors and ask them for updates (give them until friday to gather info)
2. Journalism: Write Outlandish review (Summer work and MYN, all in one go)
3. Journalism: Write Feature on Ramadan (Summer work/MYN)
4. Oped Analysis
5. Article Ideas (4 per section)

3-4 hours

6. Update Article List/Contact List
7. Email (surprisingly, this takes near an hour)

So I'm thinking 6-7 hours total

oh joy.

Of Fun Times and Boredom

boo.

i had a very full day today :)
full day, but not all was well

First thing this morning, I had to spend about an hour or two fixing up my mother's financial mess, then I was off to the church

The muslim youth in my community decided to start a newspaper and, I genius that I am, volunteered to be in charge of it, but I really have so much to do this summer, so I don't know how I'm going to manage everything

Anyways, I had to go the church because of this Interfaith section in our newspaper. I wanted the priest there to write a little article about Fasting in their religion since we're publishing in the middle of Ramadan

So I went up the secretary and asked her if i could make an appointment and she gives me this cringe. And then this lady minister steps in and the secretary introduces me as "This is Sana, she's not Christain...*cringe*"
How rude is that, right?
It was like association with me would disease her brain cells

The minister was really nice though, although she told me she wouldn't be able to write the piece herself, she did offer to answer my questions, so I wrote some stuff down but I think what I'm gonna do is have someone from the Christain and Jewish youth groups write the article instead, so I basically just wasted her time.
oh well.

After that, I had to go to the Haldmen Ford because my mom's car broke - yet again.

Seriously, take better care of your car, woman.
She took my car instead...:(

But when I can say? She bought it for me ^^

But the Haldmen and Ford people too for-ev-er to take the car. They spent an hour just looking for our freakin' paper work (get it together, man)

Then they made us stay longer to argue with us about whether or not it was their fault that the mirror shaft was broken, and it really didn't make a difference because our insurance wouldn't cover it anyways

I hate people who waste my time with their stupidity
Seriously, just shut up and fix it

I had plans today to go to Barnes and Nobles too, so I really didn't want to stand around in the heat with fat old men

After that, I had lunch with my parents (also very time-consuming) and finally left for B&N

I finished about a twelfth of the work I planned to do, so...I'd consider it a pretty productive day- lol

I was distracted by my study group ^^

So I got back 'round 9, and now I'm waiting for Hillary Clinton to make her speech

Michelle Obama was amazing yesterday, btw
Maybe it's a girl thing, but I teared a little
personally, I like her a lot more then Clinton (although, I didn't like her much to begin with)
Obama seems a lot more genuine to me

...
Dude, I really need a to-do list

AP Bio
Carbon and Nitrogen Cycle
22-26 Glossary
P-bro Perserve Write-up

AP Lit
Summer Reading Book 2

AP Euro
Online Summary
Summer Reading Essay
DBQ

Journalism
Arts & Review article (Outlandish)
News Article (Indo-festival?)
Articles Ideas (4 per section)
Column/Oped Analysis

Muslim Youth Newsletter
Mission Statement Letter
Muslim Op/ed
Outlandish Review
Ramadan Feature
Call everyone tomorrow to get updates
Make sure we have Interfaith Coloumnists
Talk to publishing company
Update article list/contact list
Figure out how to raise money

Of Details and Update

okay, well considering I was sleeping most of the day and my narcotics are starting to wear off, I think I'll let you in on some more my juicy (or should I say bloody?) details.

The nurses and doctors were actually super nice, but maybe a little too friendly. When I was in the operating room, they had to put on all this monitoring stuff like a pulse sock (this thing they stick on your finger) and heart rate stickers

So as they were putting it on the male doc was going down a little too far, if you know what I mean..., I caught him before he saw anything and had one of the female nurses to do, but woah, close one

anyways, in the middle of all that, they gave me the gas mask and I inhaled about 10 puffs until I was out like a rock.
That stuff smelled really funny, btw, and now everything else I eat has the same scent, its wearing off though, so no worries

So after that I woke up in the recovery with my mom and dad sitting down and smiling next to me. The nurse was telling me I was up before then and asked her what the time was like 14 times
I didn't know I was that stoned

Anyways, now, I'm cool, the bleeding has stopped almost completely. The only thing is my mouth is incredibly dry and I still have to pee like every two seconds

I think the IV made me fat :(

Well, since I'm better, I decided to take a peek at my nose and I swear to you, it looks different

It's not like a big micheal jackson change, and it doesn't look like I got cosmetic surgery, but it def looks smaller and straighter.

My doc said nothing was gonna change so I don't know what to think at this point. But I suppose I'm not too surprised, he had to remove a bone in the process so that might have contributed

More updates tomorrow!

-peace

Of Drugs and Drugs and Drugs and Drugs

I came back from my surgery a little while ago.
I'm still a little woozy and I'm bleeding a little (by little I mean a LOT), but I don't feel much pain, probably because the nurses hooked be up with plenty a drugs before I left, so I'm feeling as high as a kite right about now- lol

It's a little like how I felt after my wisdom teeth got removed - I woke up and felt so good, but I was super disoriented. I almost knocked myself out again as I was heading outside through a very solid wall.

As I'm sure your curious, I tell you a little bit about what I had done (no, not breast implants, I'm quite happy with my...girls - lol)

It was a couple of things, first septoplasty to correct my deviated septum then tribunate surgery to remove a bone blocking my sinuses, and lastly removal of various polyps and air pockets obstructing my passages

It took about twenty minutes

Sounds like a lot more, right? lol

Pre-op, I was being a big baby and wouldn't let them stick the IV in, so they kindly knocked my out first and did their thing

I heard I even got a shot of cocaine (I did not know they could do that)

I remember a little bit about inhaling the anesthesia. It was so odd, I felt awake, yet asleep at the same time. I don't think I was under long enough to get that odd of body feeling, but I remember feeling a little panicked that I couldn't move my arms and legs anymore.

No worries, though, I woke up a second later, or at least it felt like I did

My throat was soooo sore, apparently a side affect of the anesthesia and intubation (this device they stick done your throat to keep you breathing through your mouth)

And I was still really confused when I woke up, not too mention increadibly high . I kept telling all the nurses how great and wonderful they were, and I was like, "You guys are the best, the nicest and the best guys every - woosh, slidy doors..."

Then my mom took me home and took care of me <3
She even put some lip gloss on me because my lips were so dry from medication (I feel so pretty - lol)
You know, she didn't do any of her doctor work because she wanted to make sure I was okay?
I"m gonna take such good care of her when she's old <333

So now, here I am, thoroughly painless, and a tad bit sober on my bed at home :)

My bro just bought me soup, he's being so nice today :)

I'll ttyl with more recovery tidbits, but I'm pretty okay, other than the fact I have to pee every two seconds

-peace :)
wooooooooosh

Of Seperation and Confusion

You know, there has always been a possibility that parents would one day divorce.

They fought a lot when I was younger so divorce was mentioned many-a-time, but me and brother were too young for that experience

I never knew if they just forgave each other after those fights, or if they were just holding off until we were older

But now that we are older, I don't think I'm any more ready for it to happen.

Lately, my dad in particular has been saying a lot of funny things, personally I just think he's being dramatic, but who knows?

I started noticing it after a certain incident. He was 'cleaning' his closet, and by that I mean, throwing everything away, and as he was walking off with a garbage bag full of old socks my mom stopped him
"You don't need to throw all of them away, just pick out some"
He wouldn't listen, so she opened the bag and spilled it's contents, pairing off socks that were his, mine, hers and my brothers, and throwing away the rest (including moldy, holy socks, which was the majority of them)
My dad got unreasonably angry and just walked out in fit of rage
I drove around my neighborhood for 10 minutes before I found him

And then he said things like, "I don't even enjoy her company that well! She too demanding! She's the one wasting all the money with her bullshit shopping!"

couple of days later, it continues

They're both incredible divas, so that can't see how incredibly good they are for each other
My father's patience and understanding suits my mom's quick-temper and complaining
And my mother's caring and work ethic balances my dad's few, but big burst of anger and his innate laziness

But if by some off-chance they were to divorce, if they hated each other that much
...what would it mean for me?

All these years of playing the mediator, I suppose...idk, I don't want to it to happen and if it did, I would proabably being bawling from now until december

But if it did, I'd let it happen, if they're truly and sincerely not happy, I'd let them do it

And God knows I pray that day will never come

-sana

Of Asses and Schedules

You know, I getting really annoyed with everyone in my family
all they do is talk...about my ass

as soon as I come downstairs
"Why is your ass so big? cover that up"
It is not that big!!

If it is, it's my mom fault for giving it to me
besides, it's not like my buttcrack is hanging out, all my junk is in actually in my trunk (butt...pants...POP CULTURE REFERENCE)

moving on, I got my schedule today!!

1 - AP Euro (Salmestrelli)
2 - Health/PE (Stubbs)
3 - AP Lit (Goodkin)
4 - Adv Journalism (Stanley)
LUNCH
5 - Calc Hns (Shea)
6 - Human Ana (Crochetiere)
7 - AP Bio (Looney)
8 - Study Hall

my teachers have really odd names, stubbs, looney, crochetiere...

- peace

Vivanno

You know the good old days, when xanga was a blogger's facebook?

I had since moved on, until someone found my old xanga, so i'm like wtfomfg

Well, little me inspired big me to make a new blog, so this is it
after 3 and a half hours searching for the ideal blogspot, i found blogspot (fitting)

I don't know about you, but after 3 and a half hours, I don't really feel like writing anymore
no i don't
hmm...

wat i will do is tell you a little bit about my fun name
it's wat i'm drinkin, yup
the starbucks vivanno chocolate banana smoothie/shake (don't know which, don't really care)
yummmmmm.