Of Opportunities and Epic Fails

Hmmm...where to begin?

I got a job! in a bakery! yay!

I only have to work three days a week, and that would be fine if I wasn't working like 8 hour shifts. I'm underaged! Isn't this against child labor laws?

I really like my job though :/

Today at work, I saw this really cute guy at the cash register, I was buying some dinner and he kept asking me questions like, 'where do you work?' "ooh, that must be fun!"
he was really nice, but I'm pretty sure he was just being flirtatious (playa)

I figured he'll probably come around the bakery once or twice and flirt with me and solange a little more. I think he just wants a booty call

Because I had work today, I didn't get to go to homecoming, which I'm not too bummed about, I didn't go the last 3 years, and dances usually aren't that fun unless your gossiping about someone having sex in the bathroom.
Ahh...High School

oo, yesterday, during the prep rally, I was getting ready to go home (i was super tired and I didn't feel like sitting around on the bleachers) and this other guy (i think his name was taylor? anyways, he was in my HAP class) needed my to help jumpstart his car.

Well, unfortunately for me, I couldn't think of a reason to say no, so I helped the poor guy out.

Usually when out of the ordinary stuff like this happens, I start thinking about what point God was making. Did this just happen or was there a reason?

I believe everything happens for a reason, so stuff like this is sort of like a puzzle for me

Speaking of school, my classes this year are freaking hard. AP Bio, AP Lit, AP Euro, HAP, Calc Hns, Journalism Hns, holding down a job, being incharge of Muslim Youth Newsletter and sports/clubs

It's a hard knock life

I'm like failing AP Lit and I just failed my AP Bio test (i think the highest I can get on it at this point is a 72-77 percent :( )

Ahhh! I have so much to do! I hope I don't die first

Of Megan Fox 'I'm in love with a stripper'

A couple days ago, I was reading an article on Megan Fox, and apparently she was in love with a stripper named Nikita, back when Fox was 18. And that's not the end of it, she thinks Olivia Wilde is insanely sexy and Jenna Jameson is smoking hot.

I don't know who Wilde is but Jameson's a freakin' porn star. Makes you wonder what Fox does in her free time doesn't it?

"I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl —Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She's mesmerizing. And lately I've been obsessed with Jenna Jameson, but ... oh boy." (yahoo.com)

I found it funny that the chicks Fox is into look exactly like Fox with some slight variation. Nikita is stripper Fox, Wilde is blond Fox, and Jameson is plastic Fox.
Basically, Fox is gay for herself
lol

But in all seriousness, there is a point to what she said. I was thinking about it. When I was younger, like 11 or 12, we had this person come in, I think his name was Mikey or something, and he did a performance about people who led alternative lifestyle.
I remember it being really good.
Then he asked us a question. He said, 'If you think being gay is a choice, raise your hand.'
I raised mine.
Then he retaliated, 'If being gay is a choice, then did you wake up this morning and decide to be straight?'
That caught me off-guard. My initial reaction was 'no, I'm just straight'
Based on my religion, homosexuality is a sin as it is in many religions, and because of that, I don't usually believe all that bullshit about how homosexuality is an inbred thing.

Of course, like the great theologian Augustine, I had to find away to reconcile my religion and science. Actually I'm still not too sure if the homosexuality gene has been proven or not, but it doesn't really matter to me, because what Fox said is true. Humans are born with the ability to be attracted by both sexes. Not many religious people are willing to admit it, but to further their claim that homosexuality is a choice, they have too.

Many religious figures would probably be unwilling to say that not because they think it's false, but maybe because their faith is so strong they choose to block whatever feelings they have for the same sex subconsciously, which, I suppose, is I must've been doing.

But anyways, looking around at society today, you can see far more teenagers and young people are into experimenting. A lot of people have suddenly determined that they are bisexual because that subconscious attraction they might've felt for the same sex is suddenly okay to have in today's society, so they are more willing to acknowledge it.

But same goes for 'gay' people. I don't actually think they are gay. I remember a gay guy who went to our school named Kyle. He was the flamboyent time. I remember a day when he wore a bra stuffed with apples, a mini skirt, and bright yellow purse. He would wave his hands in exasperation, flutter his eyelashes at passing males and flirtingly call out to football players on their way home.

No matter how gay he seemed, I remember one instant while at lunch, when he and a very pretty girl were tossing around in a secluded hallway. They weren't like having sex or anything, it looked more like puppies playfully bouncing on each other. I don't know about you, but how many girls do you see rolling around and nibbling each other's ears? That's about as realistic as a group of panty clad teenagers having a pillow fight.

So then I thought, maybe he's not as gay as he thinks?

And that's that. Maybe all of humanity is naturally bisexual.

Of Holy crap, I have an essay tomorrow!

Okay, so I need to do a comparison between Jane Eyre and the Wide Sea Sargasso. Problem is, I don't know what to compare.
For the past week, we've been talking about parallel's between the main characters, Jane Eyre and Antoinette Rochester.

Jane Eyre, orphaned at a young age, lived unloved in her aunt's cold house. Hated by her and her child, Jane found solace in her books. Seclusion meant safety and peace for Jane, who was used to her aunt's cold gaze and her cousins' torment.
In Antoinette case, she loved her mother and believed that it was returned, but in the end, her mother drew away from Antoinette's touch after her son, Antoinette's idiot brother, died in the burning carnage of their house.

Detached and unloved at an early age, Jane was perhaps more stable, knowing that only in that house she would have to feel that way.
Antoinette, however, was trapped. Hated in her land, where her family was known to be ex-slave owner, hated by her mother, the one woman whom she truly loved. Perhaps, because of that instance, she came to depend, thrive on another's love, desperate to recreate what she never had.
What she never realized was that she had love. Her childhood caretaker, and surrogate mother, Christophine, loved and cherish Antoinette. Her half-brother and lover, Sandi, loved and cherished her too, but what of it? She did not put any value on them. But why?

Come to think of it, Jane, too, had a caretaker in Bessie. The only woman there to dote on her as a child should be doted upon. In Jane's case, Bessie was a passing character. She had little influence other than to sooth a passionate Jane. Jane forgot her soon, but always loved her.

Antoinette constantly leaned on Christophine. Maybe part of the reason that Antoinette was so messed up was because Christophine never really tried to make Antoinette grow up. She did everything she asked, without laying down any punishment or consquence, so Antoinette didn't really see her a relevant person. In short, Christophine babied Antoinette, perhaps in fear that Antoinette would soon develop into another crazy character.

But anyways, Antoinette, so consumed with this desire to find love, found no outlet. She was so dependent on this need, she never learned to stand on her own two feet. While Jane found comfort in seclusion, Antoinette couldn't be satisfied until she felt constantly loved.
When that didn't happen, and Rochester, though he had admitted he never loved her, would not give her up, she had no escape, by then too emersed in Rochester to leave on her own. She stayed and found comfort outside her mind. She may have been saved had she had the strength to leave him.

It isn't surprising that Antoinette was pushed to madness. In a place like Croele where women must depend on men to rule over them and provide protection, she, like her mother Anette, fell into the hands of greedy infatuated men, who in the end, betrayed and left them.

Another similarity, shared between the two women, are the hot and passionate personalities they had. In a time where female docility and childlike servitude were prized in women, there hot and fiery tempers were kept in suppression. It is ironic that Antoinette, forced unwilling into such a quiet temperment was hated when she tried to freely expressive herself to Rochester, while Jane, who willingly calmed herself, was constantly pulled out of her calm demeanor by Rochester, who favored her passionate mind.

Perhaps Rochester meant to repent for his past crime? Or maybe, her calm demeanor attracted him at first, and her intellectual mind drew him in further until he wasn't afraid or repelled by her passionate outbursts, especially since they usually followed a coherent train of thought. Maybe Jane was able to have controlled bouts of madness, whereas Antoinette had no way to express herself logically without sounding mad.

Christophine, Antoinette's prime care taker, was the opposite of Annette, Antoinette's mother. She was a strong independent woman, stable and sound, but Antoinetter never took example of her, instead choosing to depend on her mother, perhaps striving to win back her favor.

Of Colleges and Deadlines (dun dun dunnn)

Ok, so I figure, I should probably pick out some colleges to apply to now that I'm a senior, sooo

I choose you! Pikach-no
lol

Rutgers, Regular Decision, Febuary 28
Marist, Early Action, December 1st (gasp)
NYU, Regular Decision, January 1st
The College of New Jersey, Regular Decision, Febuary 15

that's all i got so far...

orginally, i thought i should pick 5, but I think i'm a go with 7, it's a nicer number, 7

anyways much has happened, I dont really feel like explaining, so I'll do a little two second flashback

Let's see
after school started, my mom smacked me around like a pinyata for wearing a low-cut shirt, which actually wasn't that low-cut, especially since i don't really have any boobs to speak of, but anyways, i said i'd wear a scarf or something, so then she went on and on about some other bullshit like how i need to be home at 4:00 and studying like asian

oh then she took away my car, gave it back, took it away again, apologized, made me miss my bus, then gave me back my keys again.

All in all, my mom is crazy

Then my bro came home from college again, even though he only left like a week ago, then he demanded the TV as I was watching the VMAs, and my dad was like, "give him the TV you obnoxious child"
so i had my little tantrum, discovering that I have officially inherited my mom's crazy genes, and left the room

Then my bro apoligized, like he should've, then proceeded to tell me his life story, which was sad, pathetic, and surprisingly....actually no, it was just sad

what did he say my friends? a lot of things i didn't really want to hear

by and by, I got a job, i'm sucking at calculus, i gained another .5 lb
I should prob start fasting tomorrow :\

-peace

Of Senior year

I am a senior.

First day of school, not so bad. I have a couple people to talk to in every class. In AP Euro, I have a nice little bubble in the back. AP Lit, I'm good, Calc Hns, I have like one person, Health, I'm fine, Journalism, yea, HAP (Human Anatomy and Physiology, say that three times fast), ther's a couple, which brings me to AP Bio and Study Hall - no one.

Well, there are people I can talk to, but like I don't know them well enough for groups and stuff, which sucks balls, because I have no idea what I'm gonna do for lab.

omg, I'm going to kill myself on D-days. I thought HAP was a regular elective course, but I actually have lab for that stupid fucking class, so I have to eat in 20 minutes, get my butt down to HAP and then I have AP Bio, correction, AP Bio and study hall lab. Those dreams of leaving school early? gone forever :(

At most I'll have a half-hour

So D-day is really like my own doomsday, what with the 3 hour crash course on everything bio.

I really need a job too, that would be nice, to have some money *sigh*

wat else wat else, oh! My mom's b-day is tomorrow! I think we're gonna go to MGM to pick up some shoes, I need a couple pumps for school anyhow :)

I should prolly get some balloons, right?

-peace ;p

Of Towelhead by Alicia Erian

Where to begin?

I just finished Towelhead by Alicia Erian
it was a decent book, graphic and detailed, but decent

The main character, Jasira, is one helava 13 year old. She has huge jugs and model's face and the innocence of a child her age, and everyone notices.
Barry, her mother's boyfriend, is the first to take advantage of Jasira, and that's where this story begins. He doesn't have sex with her, but he is vastly inappropriate.
Well anyways, mother-dear finds out and, instead of kicking the bastard out, she sends her daughter to Houston, Texas to live with her strict and overbearing Labanese father, who also notices his daughter's ....growth spurt...ahem.
He, uncomfortable with her budding womanhood, is even more fierce and strict than he needs to be, to a violent level.
And all this does absolutely nothing but send Jasira into the hands of a Mr. Vuoso, her reservist neighbor who actually does take advantage of her in sick and perverted ways.

For an objective stance, most of you probably think that Vuoso and Barry need to die burning, but Jasira, not so much.
She liked, even loved, these men, or at least she believed she did, right to the very end. That's what made the story so interesting, her confused emotions and unfamiliar desires. Although I'm not sure how many 13 year olds think about doing it with men thrice their age.

The point is, she felt that way because of a desire to belong. Her mother sent her away in favor of another man and her father doesn't know how to handle her unless he's telling her what to do.

What's worse is that no one cared enough to explain to her what was going on with her body. And as disturbing and unwanted that conversation is, sometimes health class isn't enough. The book addresses embarrassing, but surprisingly accurate elements that goes along with being a woman, like shaving (more specifically, shaving the pubes and pits) and periods, and buttons and boys, and most importantly, feelings.

Jasira had a lot, and I mean a lot, of sexual drive. Some of that was unrealistic to me because, I don't know about you, but I certainly didn't get off reading playboy that young (btw, did you know they have a playgirl?). She had a lot of physical attractions, but she didn't understand it, so when Vuoso took advantage of her and her body easily submitted, she didn't know what to think even though she didn't actually want it.

So she mistakenly believed she loved him. Part of it was because he felt so sorry after which made her feel powerful, something she was unused to because of her own unforgiving parents. But because of her parents she felt like she was the one who was always wrong, so she only ended up feeling sorry for that rat bastard, instead of angry like she should've.

It's an interesting story, told in the eyes of a child, and admittedly, the reader too has a hard time remembering that their supposed to hate Vuoso.

Besides dealing with these sexual urges, Jasira also deals with a lot of social issues as an Arab during the Iraq War, which probably also contributed to her increase in sexual activities as a means of an outlet.

But yea, she has no friends because of her perpetual mild-temperment (prob from the beating at home) and then people find out she's Arab. It's funny that Erian choose to call her novel Towelhead, when racism wasn't really her primary point, but anyways, throughout the novel she's called 'sand nigger', 'camel jokey' and of course, 'towelhead'
And while she's dealing with how those words affect her everyday and emotional life, no one notices when the big bad wolf next door comes huffing and puffing.

This story was so graphic and honest that it shocked me a little, but I realized that Erian painted a surprisingly accurate portrait of the rarely poetic transition into womanhood.

And you know, I guess you could say it was funny, more sad, but yes, it was entertaining reading about how Jasira's cheapass father tried helping his daughter smooth over her teen years with 1 dollar boxs of pads and the occasional 2 dollar razors.